My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
