how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We had to coat check the pizza.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
