My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
