Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
