You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
