Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
