then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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