actually, I'm a sock model
why didn't you poke me back
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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