He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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