Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
