Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Found the puke drawer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize