dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
