this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
