I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
