Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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