i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
