My pussy is not your playground.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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