If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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