I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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