i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
