Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize