This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
