the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
