I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize