none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
