i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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