So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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