trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
