: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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