Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he shaved USA in his pubs
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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