my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
