I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
