Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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