u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
