we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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