Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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