Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
