I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize