when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize