You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's rum buckets o'clock
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
