Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
