We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
