If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
