i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
