lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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