A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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