We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
