does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize