So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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