I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
