You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So vagazzling was a success
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
