If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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