whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
