i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
