If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
