areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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