Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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