Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
