a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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