I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
