I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can text with my tongue
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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