You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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