There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize