Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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