his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
