Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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