nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
no, he came in my armpit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
