you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
