we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
