The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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