You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
