When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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