glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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